The Sorrowful Vampress' Tumblr. <3Gotta question? Shoot. (Not literally, I like living)
In honor of our 100th follower, Kristen and I decided it was high time we made an actual audio recording of the song that (we honestly think) put us on the Tumblr map. So without much further ado, I present you with Baby Got ‘Batch.
"Baby Got ‘Batch" (lyrics by Hilary)
Oh, my, god, Kristen. Look at his butt.
It is so cute. He looks like
One of those British actors.
Like, you know, Tom Hiddleston or Colin Firth?
Tumblr totally loves him, because,
he looks like an otter in a suit, ‘kay?
I mean, his butt, is just so big.
I can’t believe it’s just so round, it’s like,
out there, I mean - damn. Look!
He’s just so … unf!
I like big butts and I cannot lie
You other Tumblrs can’t deny
That when a ‘Batch walks in with an itty bitty waist
And a round thing in your face
You get sprung, get your cameraphone
‘Cause you wanna take that butt home
Ignore that hat he’s wearin’
I’m hooked and I can’t stop starin’
Oh Benny I wanna get with ya
And take your picture
My followers tried to warn me
But that butt you got makes me so horny
Ooh, sexy Sherlock
Makin’ them ladies flock
Well, use me, use me
Then go ahead and deduce me
I’ve seen him strollin’
On Saville Row and
He’s prim, trim
Wears trilbys on a whim
I’m tired of all these blogs
Makin’ sex jokes about Smaug
Take the average fangirl and tell her that
Benny’s got much back
So, ladies! (Yeah!) Ladies! (Yeah!)
You wanna have his babies? (Yeah!)
Turn around! Stick it out!
Even white boys got to shout,
Baby got ‘Batch!
Because I have to.(21,756 plays)
“Well. That was interesting.”
The words, Pepper decided, did not at all suit the situation. But then, the First never did look very concerned no matter what was happening to them. No. Matter. What.
"Yes, yes, very amusing… Now… Do you have a plan? Because I am very interested in not being eaten,” she said, trying to reach for the knife in her sleeve. It was too far away, though, too out of reach where she was tied up.
And that was another thing- she was apparently ‘dessert’. Why did her life resort to that as an untimely end? Was this karma for leaving Tony to his own self-pitying-destruction and flying off with a (technically) evil Time Lord? To be honest, it probably is, she thought depressedly.
The First himself, unaware of her thoughts, and uncaring either, turned his head to look at her. His ridiculously pretty dark brown hair hung about his head like a curtain of slightly-curly satin. “Plan?” he echoed innocently, which was never a good sign. Especially since he was hanging upside down over a giant cooking pot. Sometimes she wondered how they weren’t in a Tolkien novel. “I may have arranged for something… You’re not going to like it, though.”
Pepper’s face fell, a creeping feeling somewhere between her heart and her throat. This couldn’t end well. ”First… What are you doing? Please… I don’t want to end up purple again.”
“Oh hush, it’s nothing like that,” the Time Lord said, but his tone was telling her it was quite possibly worse. “Just be patient. Any minute now.”
Again, why me?
There was a crash from the adjacent cavern, probably their monstrous captors still searching for the pepper. (When they mentioned it, First had laughed for nearly two minutes straight. Pepper had not been amused at all.) There was grumbling a moment later between the three monsters.
“Should be soon,” the First added, looking rather bored.
"First…" Then Pepper let out an undignified yelp as the cavern shook around them, heart jumping into her throat. "Oh god…" She closed her eyes, trying not to panic.
“Oh dear, that’s not good.” Damn him and his blase attitude! “Ah! There he is!”
The rush of air somewhere to her left drew Pepper’s attention, and when she hesitantly opened her eyes, a red police box had appeared, and a blond head peeked out. “Hm. When you said ‘worth my while’ I didn’t expect the ginger.” Not another one.
“Ah, Master. Welcome! Please do get me down before they come back. And what is that racket?”
“Hm? Oh, I may have accidentally started an earthquake somewhere. Nothing too tedious, but I suggest we get out quickly.” The blond man knelt beside Pepper and sliced through her bonds with a knife, then hurried over to the First. He dragged him nearer, the rope swinging easily, and reached up to cut that.
Both tumbled to the ground with a crash, and then the First scowled. He snatched the knife away from the blond as he rolled off of him, and cut the rope around wrists and ankles. “Why is it a red police box? Are you using my Sescra to imitate the Doctor?”
First growled and got up, hurrying to Pepper’s side. “Are you well?”
"…who is that?" she asked, staring at the blond. He was very distracting. "And how does he know how to fly the Sescra?"
The First shrugged and helped her to her feet. Clearly, being no help was a game to him. “Into the Sescra, into the Sescra. You too, you mangy mutt.” He nudged her along into the TARDIS, and the door shut behind them and the other. “This is the Master. Master, this is my dearest companion, Pepper. Also- Sescra, temporary privileges revoked.”
“Awww, that’s no fair,” the Master huffed, pouting.
“A police box, Master,” the First growled in return. He hurried to the console and transported them, then dashed out the door. It closed, and for a few minutes they were alone.
The Master grinned at her. “He’s going to go get me and make sure I come rescue you,” he told her.